Health, Love and a Vitamix

Being in love and good relationship requires several things. One major component of a great relationship that oftentimes gets overlooked is health. You have probably heard it a thousand times that you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of a relationship with others. It just makes sense. If you are battling with yourself then how can you be present for the challenges of relationship?

VitamixSo let’s turn a moment to your health. How do you take care of your health and body? Do you exercise? Equally important, if not more important, do you eat well? If you are someone who struggles with eating well, or even if you are someone that does eat pretty good there is always room for improvement. I have found that there is one simple thing that you can add to your life that can make a significant positive change in your health which will always turn to a positive change in your well being and relationship. That one thing is a Vita-Mix blender.

This blender is undeniably the leader of all residential blenders. Kitchen mixers, blenders, food processors etc have been popular for some time nevertheless it hasn’t been until just lately that they have been taken seriously as resources of healthy living and life betterment. Vita-Mix is among the earliest blender manufacturers in the industry and have been in the business of blenders for upwards of seventy years. They can cost a pretty penny but aren’t you worth it? Isn’t your relationships worth it?

A Vitamix provides a large number of nutritious added benefits. It is easy to eat fruits and vegetables.  After using such a blender, in no time,  you will begin to experience remarkable adjustments in your body which will naturally transcend into love and your relationships.

What better way to see for yourself than to take advantage of the company’s offer of a no-risk trial period? Use this Vitamix promotion code to try one of these beauties for a month to experience what I am talking about.

Work on yourself and your health and True Love will follow.

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Divorce – Choosing a Different Path

My name is Michael. First of all thanks Kelly for giving me the right to post here.

My divorce proceedings will be over in a few months. I have been married for almost 19 years and have two loving sons. The feelings of utter shock and devastation did not sink in until a week after we decided to call it quits. Everything I helped worked so hard for–providing food, shelter, clothing, and other basic necessities–felt as if these were taken away; and giving all the love I could give were not enough.

I’ve experienced betrayal, when an affair was revealed to me three years into the marriage. I felt less of an effective partner and a man. I remained in the marriage despite that, and for my kids.

I found myself dreading to go home after work, and prayed and hoped that when I arrive at home there will be no cause for arguements, petty or not, that will snowball.

I stood with her while she was going through depression helping her get through the dark forest sort of speak. What hurt me more is when she told me she had to lower her standards just for me to be acceptable as a partner. I did everything I could–go out on family road trips, vacationing, one-on-one date nights, and even counseling.

I also felt I was losing my identity because I was changing for her to be acceptable. Even now, I’m doing what I can, through prayer, to rediscover who I am and what my purpose is this point forward, which is not easy. I do know I’m a father, a dedicated employee, and a friend of a few. Some mention to me I’m a hero for saving my soon to be ex-wife from drowning at the deep end of a swimming pool when no one else noticed she was in trouble.

I could not count the number of times I heard the word divorce mentioned even before my two sons were born. That, too, hurt. I’m a loyal, sensitive, and loving person. When things came to a head, I decided to tell her that she needed to do what she needed to do because we were both unhappy.

Many close to me asked my why I did not end it sooner, preferably before my sons were born. I had faith and believed that the marriage was workable during bulk of the marriage. Now, we chose different paths.

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A Funny Story – A Black Lady Contacting Her Ex-Husband

Hi ladies, let me share with you a funny story of a friend of my neighbor, it’s gonna be very detailed since they are close friend and luckily me and my neighbor are also close friends. (Sorry I can’t disclose her name so I would use “S” instead.)

“S” divorced her husband because he’s an addict and hadn’t worked in 4 years and was spending them into the ground.  He’d also told her fat out that he’d “quit trying to quit.”  He had also gotten into trouble several times for stealing his drug of choice, and was charge with a felony for his 3rd strike.  He’s on probation.

He came to town in Nov. and stayed with me for 3 weeks, even though “S” kicked him out after two weeks. They had sex a couple times then, and they actually had some of the conversations they needed to have during the divorce process. “S” finally asked her husband’s mom to help her pay for a bus ticket back to Iowa so that “S” could get him OUT of her house!  His mom was kind of mean about it with him and he’s pretty much cut off all contact with his mom.  He had done the same to “S” before Nov.

(I like this pic! hehe)

He started dating a girl the beginning of Jan and it threw “S” because they were having sex.  He’s the only man “S” has ever been with, and it just made everything feel so FINAL, even though “S” know she doesn’t want to be married to him again (the 3rd weeks in Nov. solidified that nothing had really changed.).  ”S” looked at the girl’s pic on Facebook and of course started having all kinds of thoughts.  Finally, “S” had to block her husband on facebook because “S” was being all obsessive, checking to see if he’d talked about the girl or posted pics, etc.

He came to town for his probation yesterday and brought his “new” girlfriend.  He came by to get his stuff, but said he would have to wait til today to get it because he had to go back to the courthouse today. “S” ased if he could please come in and look at her furnace that’s been acting weird.

You might think “S” was a total weirdo, but it was actually really good to her to have her ex and the girlfriend there last night.  First, when he’s here “S” thought he felt so grateful that he goes out of his way to be helpful.  He swept all the kitty litter/mud off the steps, and “S” think the rain washed the rest away.  He fixed the heater (a spider had built a nest in one of the gas tubes) and when he was down there discovered the sump pump was broken.  He went and traded in for a new one (yay warrenty) and spent a couple hours putting it in, which included having to suck out all the water before replacing it.  He said he added salt to the water softener, and while he was down there cleaned the old laundry room, which “S” must admit she’d left a mess.

But better than that, “S” got to see what kind of a woman the girlfriend is.  She’s got tons of baggage, and has been to Al Anon with one of her ex-husband’s problems.  (she’s twice married) So she’s dumb enough to get together with a sweet guy who isn’t 100% sober.  She doesn’t have a job, had gone back to college but can’t go right now because she’s on academic probation.  She’s not a Christian, and right now lives with a gay friend and her partner.  But this GF has to move in a couple weeks because the gay couple is becoming a foster family and she can’t live there.  She’s overweight, and she’s just as bossy as “S” ever was!  (I’m VERY overweight, so she’s smaller than me)  Her voice would drive one nuts to be around all the time.  She does have a cochlear implant and has to look at your lips when you talk.  So it’s not as hard communicating as I thought.  And she calls him MICHAEL (the ex-husband of ”S”)!  No one ever calls him Michael except for offices that only see it as his legal name.  So to “S” it sounded kind of condescending, like a mom to a child.  Speaking of, she has 2 kids that are 20 and 22.  She’s a mom who has had to think of others, not just herself like my ex. She was on top of things and brought a cooler of food that she said she could heat up in a gas station microwave if needed.

She’s kind of pretty as “S” said, but “S” is NOT jealous of her. “S” doesn’t feel like he “traded up.” LOL  With all that “S” has seen, she doubted it will last all the long.  He is working now and has a car, but if the dating girl wants a semi-sober, manic depressive guy on probation, she can have him.

And “S” ended up letting them stay at the house.  Her ex said he would make other arrangements, but I guess “S” didn’t want them because the alternate arrangements were to sleep in the car.  ”S” couldn’t literally send them out in the storm to sleep in the car.  The girl slept in the guest room and him on the couch…

Actually this is just part of the story, but what I want to point out is that it’s not that necessary for us to try to “keep track of everything” and  in the end just making ourselves further disappointed. Instead, we should learn how to truly forgive and communicate generously with our ex-husbands. This way things will become easier and even if it still fails, I promise your next relationship will be way better than any one of those you had.

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It’s So Much Pain, But You Gotta Move On!

Another sad story from Jeff,

“Second marriage for both of us. My first could be blamed on sort of both of us. I wanted to seek help she wanted out. Six months after the paperwork she was remarried.

I vowed not to let this ever happen to me again. I looked at the things I did and didn’t do, show appreciation, do things that she wanted to even if I didn’t really care to, be proud of my wife, do the small things like get her coffee when she is still in the shower, home made cards, flowers for no reason, hidden candy on her desk, hold her hand and sit next to her not across from her. I even made a list of things that I wanted in an wife. I prayed a lot for some one to share my life with. I went a year alone not really dating or looking hard. I had a good job , house paid and some what decided I could get by on my own. Then a friend said she knew a lady and told her about me but she said she was not ready and was just having fun. She was 27 with a 3 year old son I was 36. We bumped in to each other by accident and talked for a while that night. A week later she called me and then it was on. She met every one of my things on my list. I’m sort of quiet and conservative and she is a free spirit and I just loved that.

Well here I am 20 years later and she has moved out telling me I stifle her spirit. The one thing that I liked most about her I now hear I’m killing it. She reads a lot of books about reincarnation and spirits moving on when a task is finished. I just hurt so bad knowing the thing that brought us together is something that I was killing in her. I’m seeing a Counselor and working on being more care free and want her to know.

I’m tring, she just says we both need to move on. I just don’t want to give up that easy, but I don’t want to drive her further away. It just hurts so much.”

Jeff, my heart just bleeds for you. That email was just so hard to read. :(

I know you do not want to hear this but I believe it is time for you to move on. I can sense from the email that she is not where you are. The most important thing I can tell you is that you should not try to fit into her world – you should not have to force yourself to be more like her or be interested in the things she is … you are you. I think so many people make this mistake (my ex did) of wanting so much to make it work that they will try to please the other person in whatever it takes. It shouldn’t take that – it should be natural.

I did the same thing in the end … trying to do whatever it took – making changes that were not me. It’s not right; we need to be ourselves. Once both of you have moved on, you can look back and see things clearly. It’s hard now b/c she is your partner – your best friend. But really she isn’t anymore – it’s just that you can’t feel that way right now. I know… it’s heart wrenching.  I’ve been there and remember the feeling like it was yesterday. It took a long time to realize that we were not right for each other even though I loved him so much. We were married for 15 yrs and he suddenly decided to leave, citing all the differences. Yet we did everything together – it seemed surreal. Still does at times.

Just don’t stick to one tree and explore the whole forest.

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Don’t Stick to One Tree, Explore the Forest!

Another sad story of Jenny from my radio record today. Actually the main purpose of this post is to let you ladies know that there are plenty of opportunities out there and don’t let the undesired past keep you down. Don’t give up and now let’s take a look at the story

“I met my husband in 2004. We had a great relationship and got married in 2006. After we got married, the relationship consisted of verbal and physical abuse (he was arrested for domestic violence in 2008). After a fight that he blew way out of proportion, he kicked me out in 2010. We ran into each other at a party 6 months later and started talking. The first time we hung out, we slept together, but he did not want to get back together and was seeing other people. Christmas 2010 HE decided he wanted to work on the marriage.

In Feb 2012, I was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer. During chemo treatment, he left me again and wasn’t really there for me. He said he felt trapped staying with me at my parents apartment, and was too interested doing electrical work with his best friend and riding his mountain bike. A week later we talked and hooked up, but the relationship was rocky and he did not seem interested anymore. He broke up with me again at the end of March 2012 because I questioned him about this girl that was showing interest in him on his
facebook. He assured me he didnt like her and that he just wants to be single.
A week later I made the mistake of telling him I would be ok with sleeping
together with no strings attached.

After the first time we hooked up, I didn’t think it was a good idea and did not call him again. He called me a couple times, and I blew him off. The third time, I gave in and met up with him. For a week straight, he contacted me, saying he was chatting it up with girls, but wasn’t interested because he liked being intimate with me too much. After the weekend, he texted me at work and said that he met someone and that we can’t see each other anymore. The girl he is seeing is the one I questioned him about in March. I suspect that he has several mental illnesses: narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, bi polar disorder and possibly histrionic personality disorder.

I will be 33 at the end of this month and I have never felt so abandoned in my life. I have no husband, no more friends (I stopped talking to them since they were all mutual), low self esteem from childhood issues (growing up as a minority in a predominantly White/rich neighborhood) and the abuse and mind games from my husband. I also haven’t dealt with the fact that I could have died from cancer.

I was too distraught from him leaving me. He showed absolutely no empathy throughout my cancer experience. He felt that since I was only on chemo for 3 months and did not die, that it wasn’t a big deal. Anyway, I know this guy is a piece of shit, but it doesn’t mean this divorce is hard to go through. I really don’t know where to begin getting over this situation. I can’t think of any hobbies. I love to go out dancing, but I only like electronic music and he has made himself popular within the music scene that I like, so I’ve had to stop going out dancing. I could use people to talk to. I know I’ve said alot, but I am also a good listener and could provide support to anyone that needs it as well.”

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An Anniversary of Sorts – All Come About Because of “Change”

Today is the 8 year anniversary of the event that caused my divorce. Well, that’s not exactly true, today is the 8 year anniversary of the event in which I found out about what caused my divorce. 8 years ago today the FBI knocked on my door to tell me my husband had been molesting my daughter. She was 6.

8 years later, she’s amazing, she’s my hero. She’s so strong willed and smart. He’s in prison serving 30 years (he’ll likely be out in 20 years from now.) We just a month ago moved out of the house that he and I lived in together. I had no idea how healing that would be and wish I had done it sooner. 8 years later, I can finally say I feel healed. Today, I am praising God. He rescued us, and He has healed and continues to heal us.

You all have been talking about trusting again. I thought I would never be able to do that, but slowly my heart and my mind are opening up to the idea again. I’m still going to be very cautious about who I bring around my kids, but at the same time, it’s not healthy for them to see me being that mistrustful that I refuse to give myself the chance to meet someone.

Let’s Make Changes

What I want to say is, “Change” is one of the most difficult things for people like us to face. One reason people don’t like change is because they get comfortable with where they are in life. They get used to their friends, job or the place they live. And even if it’s not perfect, they accept it simply because it’s familiar. However, when we are not willing to change, we get stuck in life holding on to the past instead of growing and moving forward into what God wants to do in the future.

Today, I encourage you to be open to the new things God has in store for you. God wants to do something new in you and through you. He wants to see you grow, prosper and flourish. Get ready and keep your heart focused on Him. Embrace change and see the blessing God has in store for you!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Father God, I humbly come before You and thank You for all You’ve done in my life and all You will do in my future. I submit myself to You and choose to embrace change knowing that You always have good things in store in Jesus’ name.
Amen.

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I’ve Successfully Forgiven Him and How You Can Too!!

If you have already tried hard and think you have already spent a lot of energy and time trying to forgive him, you probably are reaching the point where you can successfully forgive him. After many years of frustration, one very important thing that I’ve found out is we gotta love more, you really need to spend some time, a great deal of time, and focus on God, focus on your relationship with God, focus on the life He has planned for you and HE DOES HAVE A LIFE planned for you.

Too many years you have spent trying to find what you need and want in too many husbands, now it is time to focus on you. Stop seeking them and start seeking Him.

We all have these empty places in our lives and we try to fill them with many different things. Sometimes we get lucky and we choose good positive things like charitable work to make us happy, but most of us choose things like relationships and we end up with a succession of bad choices, drug or alcohol use and we end up living through years of addiction and all the destruction that brings into a life, shopping addictions that fill our homes with more stuff than we could ever want or need and yet the big empty hole remains, and many many other types of negative behaviors that just keep leading us down a big long lonely path to NOWHERE. That is where you are now. NOWHERE. God wants to take you somewhere!! Seek Him, find Him, let Him lead you. Let Him take you by the hand and lead you down the path that He has prepared for you. Your life is going to be a totally different place than you could ever imagine. Hold on to Him. Let Him show you. And you will get to the point pretty quick! Trust me!

True happiness only comes from having a relationship with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Pray for their repentance, not their happines. That is how we bless those who use us and we show a good example to those who curse us by not cursing them back.

Let me show you something to give you more confidence, try to get some real relationship advice and quotes to help change your thinking about forgiveness. It really works!

Let me tell you what, my husband was an alcoholic and drug addict, clean and sober during our marriage but as soon as I have left he has started drinking, lost his job, etc.

People have just said he deserves it to me, but it broke my heart to see him give up all the years that he was free. And I know it was wrong but I felt if I had stayed he would not have had reason to do so, so I caused it.

And now, after a great deal of pressure, frustration, tears, and striving, he’s back to me and we’re forming a brand-new happy family.  And all of these wouldn’t have come true without truly forgiving!

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Forgiveness is a Powerful Thing

I heard something really life changing last night and wanted to share. Bishop T.D. Jakes was talking with a group of people about unforgiveness and something he said was just so powerful. He said some people are gallon love people, with so much love in their heart it just overflows onto others. But some people have only a pint capacity, because of the hardening of their hearts from past hurts and neglect and abandonment in their life, and a pint of love is as much as their heart is able to create.

Watch the video if you like:

Why Bishop T.D. Jakes Says Unforgiveness Is Like a Cancer?

How can we forgive ourselves and others without being vulnerable to being hurt again? Bishop T.D. Jakes says that not forgiving can put you in your own prison. Learn why. Plus, find out why he says unchecked unforgiveness is a cancer of the soul.

If you are a gallon love person and you are trying to get a gallon love back from a pint capacity person, it will never happen. When they tell you they are giving you all they have to give, they really mean it. A pint is it. Forgive them for not loving you enough. Forgive them for not giving you enough of themselves. They are loving you as much as they are able, they have given as much as they have to give. And your forgiveness will serve to break down those same stone walls of anger and resentment and hurt and pain that you are building in your own life around your own heart. Forgive, so you don’t end up like them.

Next time when we’re getting pissed off, try to forgive. Forgiving does not mean accepting what they have done or accepting them back in our lives. It simply means we are no longer willing to carry the baggage and garbage of anger. We want to release it and be liberated.

Alternatively for other people, letting go may be the key. The more that you are able to let go of the pain, the anger, etc., the more you can move into the act of forgiveness. These emotions can overwhelm us and block our ability to even SEE forgiveness happening, yet alone feel that it has. Keep praying and allowing the Holy Spirit to minister to your spirit, keep seeking your healing, keep asking God to help you forgive. The forgiveness will come. It is not something that you can force, but one day you will just know that you can and that you have. And then you can move on.

I hope you love this article and most importantly you’ve learnt that “forgiving” is really a key to success in any relationship.

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Forgiving and Blessing the Ex-Husband

Forgiveness is for me not the other person. I have to believe this. If I wish happy things for them then it will be for me as well. Not that I like it but have to forgive them and me at the same time or hold on to the resentment no matter how bad of a person they are. I carried a one thing for 10 yrs.

He borrowed 4 grand from me to save his family and house. He used it to buy a motorcycle. Went to 2 courts. His dad said he borrowed the money and then he filed bankrupt on me. I saw him at a store and told my husband at that time. He said. A. confront the guy. B. forget it. C. move past it. At that time I let it go. Eating me up for 10 yrs. He lied, stole money from me. Hard to let that go as I needed it back then too. I had to at that time Pray for the guy. Pray that I had to forgive him and me. I did not have it to give. Did I learn? Nope. Did it again.

I am only human and still make mistakes. I can change my mind today any time I want. Learned it as things change and I can change with new info. I have to let my ex go. He is one sick man. Demanding money from me that can no longer work and now deaf, had to retire 3 yrs. ago. I feel used again as this is my 5th divorce. I marry them as won’t live with them with out being married to them. At age 59, I still don’t know the answers.

Seriously I was a firm believer in forgiveness. I even posted this Chinese character on my wall in the previous months

As well as listening to quotes like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RcaQbmw8jY

However, this was the highest mountain of hurt I have ever encountered. I seemed to be at a loss as to how to even begin to forgive. I could tell myself over and over that “It is not my problem…I will be in a better place and better off in the long run…I forgive and things will go well” etc. However, I don’t feel any better. Is it just a matter of saying it enough times that I finally believe it? It seems like forgiveness is telling myself I don’t care anymore – about the STBX, my marriage, etc.

I have always said that I will not put my energies into relationships that are going nowhere. I want to pour my energies into positive relationships. Frankly, there just isn’t enough energy to spread around.

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